It is morning and i am just waiting for the sun to come out,even if it is behind a bevy of clouds. I went to the bathroom by myself (yay me) without the walker, I just couldn't bring myself to wake Roger to help me...he was sleeping so soundly and continues to do so right now. This makes me feel just slightly less old-ladyish, so that is lovely.
Plus, my Auntie Nia came to visit last night and she did three very beautiful things for me: 1. Shaved my legs (nuff said)
2. Massaged my legs and feet with almond oil (heaven)
3. Tidied up my room and stuff (sounds little but is very big for me right now)
The surgeons have already done their morning rounds, and they told me my wound vac change will be today at 11am, so if you happen to think of me around that time, I would love a little prayer. I am very scared about this, but am trying to remain calm.I am continually blown away by everyone's love, prayer and encouragement. I really do feel it all working within me. No joke. I feel so lucky for that.
Erin sent me some quotes from an author I really like. Here is one of my favorites:
“it really is easier to experience spiritual connection when your life is in the process of coming apart. When things break up and fences fall over, desperation and powerlessness slink in, which turns out to be good: humility and sweetness often arrive in your garden not long after.”
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Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith (Anne Lamott)
Even before this happened, I have thought often about how there is "beauty in the breakdown", how weakness allows true strength to come about, but I have to say that I have never been tested to this degree or brought down to my knees as I have through this wretched infection. Still, I am absolutely able to find truth in the quote above, even amongst some of the uglier feelings that come rushing in and out of my mind and heart. At this moment, I am scared. I am powerless in so many ways. But I am also hopeful and content. I know healing will occur. I know my family will be together again, that I will hold my little baby again. I just have to be patient and trust. And breathe. Trust and breathe. Trust and breathe.
Most importantly, as Bernadette reminded me yesterday, I just need to go moment to moment. ANy more than that is too much for me.
I hope all of you have a most lovely morning. As always, thank you for your love, your continued prayer. You are helping to heal me. Happy Day!
You are sounding upbeat this morning, nice! You managed through twice daily cleansing of your wound, you'll definitely be able to get through the wound vac change every few days!
ReplyDeleteBarbra
Marlo.....
ReplyDeleteOnce again your words bring me to tears. I concur there is such beauty in the breakdown and as you reminded me , best done with a shout and a laugh!
I will risk being a broken record and tell you, your children will be there to welcome you, their Mama, their Rock, the one that makes all right in their little world's. Ada will hear your voice, smell your skin and remember the rhythm of heart beat. The only one she knows, the one that made her grow cell for cell inside of you. If I was there I would put on some BELL BIV DEVOE and so the SOFT SHOE to make you laugh!
Love you always,
Berna
One moment at a time. So very true. It reminds me of the verses in Lamentations 3...."His compassions never fail. The are new every morning..." Keep resting in Him, Marlis.
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Sara
you are the beauty marlis. all will be well.
ReplyDelete*THEY* ugh... spelling errors... :) I'll be praying at 11. xo
ReplyDeletemarlo- Thank you for sharing such heart felt & honest words. Much of what you have written is often hidden in the deepest, darkest of places inside of us and you demonstrate true strength and insight in your ability to share your fears & hopes with all of us. I truly believe that there is pure goodness waiting for you on the other side of this illness... Love you so much!!!!
ReplyDeleteMarlis we are all praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much. Sending strength and love to you.
Marils how in all this do you seem to make all of us who love you and your family feel better, I guess that's just how you roll..:) Thank you for sharing the most quite parts of your heart with us the Lord is meeting you in all these moments the good and the bad the quite and the loud, You are showing us gods love for all of us.. My heart aches when I think of what you have gone thought and yet I rejoice in how you can be clam and patient.. I will pray at 11:00 you can do this I know you can look what you have already done... Allison and Bryan .P
ReplyDeletewill be sending my angels to you at 11am today Marlis. You are such a lovely person. Your blogs make me cry because they are so deep and true. Love the quote from Erin. I appreciate your sharing your journey with us.
ReplyDeletelove you, Megan
Marlis ~ I caught up on your blog/FB this evening and am so thankful prayers were answered for your success 'wound vac' procedure ~ I keep an envelope of encouraging words/phrases (because I can never remember them!) ~ Here is one for you:
ReplyDelete'The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you'
Love to you & your family ~
Debbie
Oh, Marlis, sweetie -
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that you were going through such adventures. Having just read about this on a quick scan of friends in FaceBook, then reading all of your posts on FB for the past month and now your blog and all of its comments, I am just about speechless. I cannot begin to imagine.
Bless you, Marlis. You will be in my thoughts from now on. So sorry that you have to deal with the pain and the uncertainty of it all.
You are in the right place, for the time being. Your main job right now is to heal enough so that you can return home. Be patient and get well. Your babies do need you, but, with the loving care of family and friends, they are fine for the time being. They need for you to be well.
So thankful that the process is working and that you are improving.
Please let me know if there is anything, anything at all, that I can do for you.
Bless you Marlis.
Cele Westlake
Hi Marlis,
ReplyDeleteI saw your blog on FB and had heard about your really unfortunate plight...my heart goes out to you in so many ways....but I am in awe of the strength of your spirit...I read your post about needing a home health nurse (RN) on Orcas Island. That's what I do..I work for Island Hospital Home Health and live in Friday Harbor and see patients throughout the San Juans and I am experienced in wound vacs....so in case your discharge planner needed that information I wanted to share that with you. I hope that each day is better and better...
Fondly,
Trish Lehman