So the news is out, and it is true indeed: I get to go home. Today. My heart beats faster just to type this information. On the other hand, there is a part of me that remains reserved. Until it's a done deal. Things around here seem to change on a whim and so frequently. But it does seem highly likely and I am behaving as such.
This all came as a surprise at first. Nurse Fran, the wound vac nurse with years of experience, the one who constantly advocates for me with the docs, changed my vac on Wednesday, while my Dad was here. About 20 minutes after the change, she whisked back in to my room, her face flushed with ideas and possibilities. After seeing the vast progress of my wound, she decided there was very good reason for me to go home. With a plan. The plan part is most important, she says.
Fast forward through a few days, lots of minor stories and back and forth conversations, and here is where we stand: There is a home health nurse who will come to my house on Orcas to change my wound vac several times per week. Her first visit will be Wednesday! Harborview is having a few of my family members and friends get trained on changing the wound vac (don't worry--just as assistants to the nurses) because the primary nurse will need an extra set of hands when I'm at home.
On Friday, my wound vac was changed by of my very favorite nurses here, Anna, with the assistance of my dad. Anna is only 22. What's more is that she has only been a nurse for 5 months. That's it--Nurse Anna and my dad. They were the best team yet. Anna did such a perfect job, and she did it quickly. This is monumental when one is dealing with pain. She said in all seriousness that my dad should b a scrub nurse...go dad!
My Aunt Nia and bestie Erin did it yesterday with Nurse Fran. They were absolutely amazing too, but a recent change in my pain meds made it one of the most painful sessions indeed. Luckily I had my Erin to cry with me. And a tootsie pop. Those are my new coping tools--lollipops. Lollipops and this lovely iPad my other bestie, Amanda, let me borrow.
So now, I wait. I wait for all the powers-that-be to pull all the strings necessary for me to blow this pop stand. Cannot wait to hit that freeway, then the ferry landing, then the islands, and finally...home. I've got quite a family waiting for me. It's going to be a whole new chapter, being at home. I still have much in front of me to heal this body of mine. So, I think I may be writing this blog a while longer.
I am finally at a point in all this that I can ruminate on what I have learned and am learning from this experience. I am thinking of other things that have come as a result of it, reasons to be grateful for it (not an easy one, but I'm trying). And still, there is my little ball of anger that creeps in now and then asking, why? Over and over--why? But it never stays long, because I have had the most devoted family and friends to prop me up, to keep me from falling into the abyss, so to speak. There are also the quiet moments, when I just breathe, and feel my Self fall away. That's when I can feel the other voice. The voice that speaks without speaking. This voice is only truth, and love, and balance. I will be writing more about these things--what i have learned and my people--after I return home. There is so much to be said.
But right now I need my husband, my babes. My island home. My bed. Fresh air. Daylight on my skin. Real food. Sleep free from interruption. Normalcy, or something resembling normalcy. Thank you for your prayers, your thoughts, your love. As I have said they are oh so needed, and truly will continue to be so. Though I have made it through the worst part, I have a long road ahead of me, so if you still feel like it, prayer is much appreciated.
So, for now, over and out. I will write again soon, after I get settled in at home. Home. Sure feels good to say that word. Love to all of you. xoxo
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